In recent days there has been a mind blowing revelation unveiled to the blissfully unaware citizens of New Zealand.....
Apparently our government spies on people, other governments and we may even monitor some of our own citizens communications!
WOW, Shock and Awe! This is bigger than Texas maybe even larger than Kim Dot Coms ego, this is a moment of truth on a grand scale akin to the time I found out there was sugar in Coke and KFC's Double Down burger wasn't going to be blessed with the Heart Foundation tick.
Am I hearing this right? WE SPY! Am I going crazy? The hype and excitement of the election must be getting to me, I thought it was only every other sovereign nation in the world that had been spying for the last couple of millenniums, not New Zealand.
I'm so glad we have Kim Dot Com and his highly esteemed colleges to point out our extreme naivety in regards to this massive global conspiracy we play a central role in. We are so lucky these great men have deemed these issues so important they had to get here so urgently only 6 days out from our election in case we voted for the wrong person and the world came crashing down around us in a haze of meta data and wire taps.
The rest of the world might not understand these perpetrators of truth and common good but us Kiwi's sure do and the average Kiwi is just brimming with respect and admiration for them. How good of them to care about our little slice of paradise at the bottom of the world. We know their concern is genuine and their are no ulterior motives or bigger games at play.
Our media are so fortunate to have been able to hold an audience with and even interview these great crusaders of freedom and peace. It just baffles me why the USA would want to lock up Edward Snowden for treason or why Sweden would dream of investigating Julian Assange in relation to sex crimes or why anyone would want extradite Kim Dot Com to the USA for massive breach of copyright laws? Surely the international wheels of justice have spun the wrong way in this instance and as Kiwi's we should heed their protests of ends justifying the means and truth being the saviour of humankind? After all whats a few hacked emails, government databases and stolen classified documents between friends?
Wouldn't any government with its head screwed on straight abolish this heinous spying activity? and at the very least release all the sensitive information they have gathered secretly in the National Interest to the public maybe via a website so it was easy for anyone interested oversea;'s in for say example Syria to see what we have been up to? Surely our shady PM Mr Key should be locked up over his support of any such intelligence efforts. His donation of large chunks of his salary to charity is just a front to cover him channeling money to his mates through dodgy deals. Have you not all seen the cinema level YouTube clip about how JK was responsible for the Global Financial Crisis and is essentially the devil disguised as an intelligent, likable, mild mannered kiwi who cares about New Zealand? The 46-52% of us that think of him as our preferred PM must be so gullible, he's clearly less credible than these wrongly accused international fugitives.
I'm sure Helen Clark and the last Labour Government along with every other NZ Government before them only supported the act of intelligence gathering for National Security erroneously. Had they known that my precious emails and texts may have been monitored revealing that I went to work on Tuesday and was a massive fan of the Stags they would have immediately withdrawn New Zealand from any form of intelligence gathering.
Surely only Facebook, Google, Amazon, Apple and other massive companies along with all of my Facebook friends, Twitter followers, Instagram fans and the like should know what I'm up? definitely to not the government and certainly not any other government?
What was John thinking even considering strengthening our intelligence laws or entertaining the thoughts of our spy agencies mass surveillance plans. The world is a safe place, we have no enemies, we do not need protecting, no one would want to harm little old NZ. We definitely do not need to participate in any form of collaborative effort with our allies, why would we ever need them for anything. Globalisation and global co-operation are just inventions of greedy capitalist's like John Key and New Zealand should disregard such changes and revert back to the good old days forth width. I'm sure if people new how good hot lines and phone exchanges were they would have never moved to cell phones, progress has just allowed big brother to monitor us even more and cut down our civil liberties.
Just who do these other countries think they are? This is New Zealand and we are significantly important globally and can just forget the rest of the international community and any intelligence obligations we might feel a duty to carry out under various agreements. Hell while we are at it lets close the door to immigration, free trade and foreign investment who needs it, those greedy foreigners are all just out to take our jobs, buy our land and generally ensure we stay poor.
Have you not all seen Michael Moore? he shows us the whole idea of terrorism is just fringe lunacy dreamed up by the USA to justify wars in the Middle East. These wars are to secure oil rights and create the fervor around radical extremists and threats of terror attacks are just a rationale for mass data surveillance. They crashed those planes into the Twin Towers themselves you know. The fear of terrorism used to justify intelligence gathering is just a cover to coerce us into forgoing our rights as citizens and allowing governments, their evil spy agencies and greedy corporations to control and pacify us so they may siphon off the worlds wealth and resources for their own means.
All governments do is lie and deceive and the very notion of government agencies actually being created to look after the interests of ones country and its people is just far fetched right wing propaganda.
However hard you laugh at the above its only half as hard as Kim DotComs laughing at being able to run his sideshow over and above the real issues of this election in a smoke and mirrors smear campaign aimed solely at bringing down a democratically elected government and one man who he doesn't like. It's only a quarter as hard as the rest of the world is laughing as us for letting a creepy German fugitive hold our country to ransom and get away with it.
However wrong you think the above is and however scared you are of so called mass surveillance, meta data collection and the like remember all these Government agencies were set up by elected officials a long time ago to protect the citizens and business of New Zealand both at home and aboard. They have been supported by successive Governments both left and right and they are in step with international practices.
Lastly despite their being no proof New Zealand carries out half of what Kim and his band of merry international fugitives suggest even if we are being spied on by anyone other than the guy in the next shower cubicle or our curious neighbours I'm 100% confident these agencies don't care about your scandalous selfies, satirical humour or petty crime unless of course your going to crash a plane into a building or hack into MFAT.
Those concerned with intelligence gathering firstly need to delete their facebook account, throw away their cell phone and laptop, rescind their Amazon and Apple accounts and go off the grid because if you don't like the side effects of technology and responsibilities governments have at safeguarding those who use while ensuring its not abused by those seeking to harm us don't need to use the very technology they are frightened of. Secondly you are overvaluing your contribution and importance to our society if you think your life is of sufficient interest to warrant being spied on.
NEWSFLASH, they don't care about you! If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear and those with something to hide I hope you continue to be hunted down by New Zealand and our allies to face the kind of swift and decisive justice international fugitives Kim Dot Com, Julian Assange and Edward Snowden have avoided.
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