Mountain Scene - Surviving the Matrimonial Swelter

Maybe it’s a mid thirties thing but she's been a big couple of years for weddings of late, sauntering around the country helping friends and family give the bar tab a decent whack on their big day.  

Unfortunately Southerners generally fall to bits on a hot day and most weddings  are scheduled for the searing hot months of summer which brings to bare several sweaty issues such as underarm ponds, bum sweats and excessive consumption of cooling beverages.  

Compounding the heat itself is the fashion not function mentality in regards to wedding attire. For some reason that never made sense to me, whom in summer is reluctant to wear even the bare essentials most wedding's still require full formal regalia consisting at the very least of dress shoes, pants, a long sleeved shirt and often a tie (I'd rather drink from the Nile in Cairo than wear a tie).  

I've had to develop a reasonably intense set of coping strategies to ensure I survived these summer weddings without keeling over like a cricketer facing a West Indian quick without a box.

Frist ensure you have two very lightweight shirts washed and ironed (by your mum or partner of course). Leave getting ready to late, don't worry the women will still be sorting their make up so you won't be the last one ready.  

Start the process with a cold shower and dress your lower half only initially.  Layer up with plenty of antiperspirant, literally roll around in the stuff!  

Next find a fan or air conditioning unit to stand by while further cooling off with the an ice cold Speight's. 

Leave your departure to the last minute and ensure your taxi or car is air-conditioned as you now have your first shirt on. When you arrive stash your deodorant in the foyer and hang up the second shirt  for later on once you have destroyed the first one with perspiration.   

For the ceremony seek shade or a spot with a decent breeze (at least 30kph). Don't be a stranger at the bar those ice cold tri stars will hold back the ponds for precious minutes. 

Another key trick is to find a sympathetic member of staff with whom you can negotiate your way into the chiller at regular intervals. 

One of the more unique a tactic's I've seen  is the 'Manpon' pioneered by an old mate Simon Ward it's for your underarms and consists of rolled up toilet paper placed conveniently and discreetly in the sweat zone.
 
My next wedding is in Hawaii in a few weeks so I will need to pull out all of the above to get through!