I’m sure plenty of us Queenstowners think we could do a great job looking after these esteemed guests like Miss Swift. They all really just want an old fashioned ‘beached as’ kiwi experience, roughing it in the trenches with decent regular folk don’t they?
I’m a country music fan and Taylor is pretty easy on the eye so I wouldn’t be slow in coming forward to offer my services as a tour guide for a real grass roots tour of the Wakatipu.I could pick her up from the private jet in the Hilux, “mind the hay from horse paddock as you get in luv”! Then take her down to watch a bit of cricket, failing miserably to explain the rules while hopefully doing a better explaining our lack of Ozone and the desperate need for sun screen on that fair skin. We could trundle into the Ale House for a Speights en-route home for a BBQ on the deck, consisting mainly of a variety of game meats and a bounty of garlic breads, you don’t win friends with Salad as Homer Simpson always says.
On offer would be quality airbed style lodgings in the guest hallway L cove at the Arthurs Shore palace. Complimentary wakeup call by the Shotover Jet to clear the jet lag. If she was lucky enough to be around on New Year’s Day she would have been woken up at 5am by an unnamed neighbour’s chainsaw as he rowdily celebrated the arrival of 2015 by felling a pesky Douglas fir after a few too many pints. It’s all go at Arthurs Point!
There would be no de cafe skinny soy latté with vegan bread for breaky, it would be a hearty venison pie from the Arrowtown bakery, followed by what would hopefully some bikini clad amateur gold panning on a 4WD trip to Macetown.
Of course I would need to give Scoop a chance to snap a shot for the scene and heard at the Ballarat but only after tucking into a very messy Chinese smorgasbord with the lads at Lake Side Palace, Bliss!
It’s no surprise they all stay at Blanket Bay and I’m still single is it!
Mark writes a regular column for the Mountain Scene
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